WTF Bus #9

Okay so this isn't really much of a story, but right before I got on the bus, there was an older man standing next to me. There wasn't anything odd about the man, so I didn't pay attention. However right when I decided to turn away and look for the bus, the guy takes one step forward, lurches ahead a bit, and then spits out a tooth. A fucking tooth. I wanted to believe it was something else, but the way it hit the floor was waaaaay too solid to be gum. For a second I thought it was candy but I looked down and nope. Tooth.

WTF Bus #8

Today overall was a pretty nice day. The weather wasn't too hot, it didn't rain but it felt like it would, and I caught the bus on time. Unfortunately, I caught the bus on time.

There was a woman who kept trying to ask people for 50¢; only 50¢ and of course because we're on a bus, no one will give you any form of money! It seems like when you're not on the bus, you'll find more people willing to give you money. It makes more sense to be given money when you're on the bus because now you're stuck with them for at least 10 minutes.

WTF Bus #7

Today was gross. Just gross. This was one of the top worse things I've dealt with on my way to the bus. There is no reason for anyone to see what I saw.

Sky Diving vs Roller Coasters

My coworker and I were discussing plans for fun trips. I know she's very outdoorsy so she have already done one of the above. I asked her what her opinion was of Sky-Diving and even from all of her activities, her only answer was "HELL NO!"

Extra Crispy

So many people enjoyed today's Memorial Day by celebrating beaches (and not the soldiers who fought on them) and getting a lot of sun. Unfortunately, so did my roommate.

How Music Affects My Temper

Everyone knows how magical music is. It's really important to be connected to music because it's such a great creative medium. I see that different types of music helps me manage my temper a LOT. In some instances it helps calm me down OR it fuels my rage even more. But it's not fair to say "All rap music is bad for you" or that "All metal music makes people kill". I feel it's important to understand how different types of music causes a reaction. Everyone might have other feelings but this is how music makes me feel:

Bad Babysittin'...

I live around a lot little kids and the best way I can describe that is "demonic". My roommate describes them as "Children of the Corn... Bread" and it's fairly accurate. They seem to be sweet little kids but they keep running around and doing silly things. Just yesterday, one kid was playing with his new toy car down 2 flights of stairs. Cars DRIVE, not fall. But that wasn't the worst thing I saw this week. Worse thing was a little kid was throwing glass in a park as a way to have fun. Little baby boy, maybe 4 years old, was throwing shards of glass he found on the floor and smashing them...
Where are the parents???

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

I'm at this awkward stage in my life where all of my friends are getting married or having babies, and it's not considered a weird thing anymore. For me, it still is. I love watching cartoons, goofing off, and cursing profusely. Some of my friends have even made commitments to themselves to be married by 25. What?? Who needs a ring at 25? Your eggs are still good for another 13 years!

I think it also freaks out my dad that I'm also at this stage in my life, and I'm still his little kid. We had a whole conversation about his life, marriage, kids, etc, and he gave me some super good advice:

Fun Ways to End an Argument

Hey guys and gals(or people in general)! Have you ever gotten into an argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you just want them to shut the fuck up? We get it: you're right, I'm wrong, let's move on! But somehow, even when you try to reach a conclusion, they just keep dragging it out and we need for that shit to stop pronto. Over the years of me being a weirdo, I've experimented with ways to really bring these situations to a halt in a fun and not insulting way. If you pay attention, you might learn something here.

Man Boobs

It's no surprise to everyone that I'm a chubby-chaser, through and through. I can't be with a guy who I honestly believe I can take him down in a single punch... Or a kick... Or a judo-chop. You gotta have meat on your bones. No one wants to date a skeleton; there are too many angles that can later on hurt you from just a hug. That's not sexy, it's not fun, and it's not cool.

However a big downfall some people say from dating a heavy guy is that there are some areas of "baggage", particularly in the chest-gut-manboob region. I totally understand if you are hesitant to accept it as willingly as I am but there are certain perks to it.

"Blame My Biology" excuses

I don't like watching TV that much, but I turn it on so I can watch cartoons (Adventure Time is AMAZING). A lot of the target audience for cartoons are kids and teenagers since this is viewed as an "immature" fantasy world or whatever nonsense no-fun people spew out. That's insane to tell people but moving on, I keep seeing commercials on how to treat acne or bad skin, whatever. Instead of going through healthy routes to help kids like eating healthy (levels out hormone levels that control acne), drinking LOTS of water (it flushes out toxins that cause breakouts), or accepting your looks of who you are and focus on being a better person; they tell kids to "blame biology" and use some random treatment stuff.

What?

Many, Many Moons Ago

I was at a conference today to work on the social media panel for an event, and the registration table was next to me. There were three people from different generations. There was a young woman my age, a middle aged woman, and an older man (who was HILARIOUS!). I was focusing on my task, but once it started to quiet down, I heard their conversation, starting with the young woman saying
Young Woman: But that's such an OLD people thing to say!
Older Man: How is that an old people thing to say? "Many, many moons ago", that's not an old phrase.
Middle-aged woman: I'm not that young, and even I think that's an old people phrase.
Older Man: So what would you say now? "Many, many ipods ago"? Or "Many, many cellphones ago"?

How to Escape Awkward Situations

Ever get stuck in a room with people you don’t like? What about sitting in a public place and you REALLY don’t want to talk? Forced into a weird family setting?

Fear not! There are ways to escape, totally guilt free! You just have to use a proper dosage of sarcasm and out of context sentences to really confuse people. See, by confusing them you’re not being rude, just confusing! While they’re trying to decipher what you meant, you’ll have plenty of time to walk away.

Why the Fuck Men Cheat

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WTF Bus #6

If you EVER need a confidence booster, just wait outside for the bus. Seriously. No matter how busted you look, just stand outside waiting for the bus. Within 5 minutes, someone's going to walk up to you and ask for your number. Granted, it's part of the "I'll go after anything I can" but you'll feel better right after it happens, just like how I felt for 30 seconds today...

WTF Bus #5

This morning I was feeling positive when I went to catch the bus. Mainly because this was the first time my lazy ass actually made it to my bus stop on time. Naturally, the right bus I needed to catch was full and sped past my stop because there were no available seats. Clearly the right thing for me to do to break this habit is to get out of my house earlier, but if I did that, then I'd miss some "Boy Meets World" rerun I've probably already seen before. But sure enough, 7 minutes later another bus shows up, and my day decided to get interesting.

Random Fortune Today...

"Good fortune awaits you at the end of the day."

You know what that means for me?

Curse Word Ratios

It's come to my attention that people seem to look at more posts if they involve curse words. Me and my roommate decided to do an analysis of our top favorite curses. So far on this list, we have "shit, fuck, ass-hat, cock, pole smoker, cunt-tastic, vagina-fart, gobble cocks, and cumdumpster". We're trying to keep a diverse series of curse words, and to make it prettier we put them into different types of charts:

How To Not Give A Fuck

By Emi

It has come to my attention that a lot of my friends keep facing situations where people talk shit behind their backs, and get upset over it. There are certain things people need to recognize about human nature. People will always talk smack about people, it's the nature of gossip. It's a form of communication that's necessary to keep society going. Unfortunately, this is done at the expense of someone else.

WTF Bus #4

There was one late night I took a bus and there was a man so insane I knew I had to look as distracted as possible to not be under attack. However, the best way to get rid of ignorant people is by reading a book. If you're ever stuck in an uncomfortable situation and you don't want people to bother you, read a book. It works even better if you have a bible.

Church vs Gwar

Yeah this is a weird title but hear me out. My dad visited my Grandma on Mother's day, which was also on Sunday. To make her feel super special, he also accompanied her to church. And he believes that the intention of church is not to deliver the message of the bible, but more of a community based theatrical performance. And sadly enough my only association to this is Gwar.

WTF Bus #3

This has to be one of my favorite Sunday afternoon stories. I got on the bus going downtown and during this 10 minute ride, I pass by 8 churches. Yeah, it's that serious.

There were two older women sitting in the front next to the seat I chose that were talking to one another. One woman was wearing casual clothing, the other had on her Sunday best; big hat, silk scarf, all white jacket with pink top and long white skirt. They were both around the same age but clearly she took church a bit seriously.

The Black Asianphile

My dad recently bought a book called EVERYTHING BUT THE BURDEN: What White People Are Taking From Black Culture, and the title alone grabbed my attention. It's a series of essays written about black culture as a whole and where its influences are brought out. One of the essays is titled "The Black Asianphile" written by Latasha Natasha Diggs (I could not make up that name even if I tried), which is about her fascination with the Asian culture.

Reading More Makes Society Better

I just read an interesting article that shows the importance of reading as a society.

Fortune Cookie Saaaay

I got a fortune cookie last night that says "A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline." Not necessarily true, fortune cookie. If my goal is to get more sleep, I just close my eyes sooner. That didn't need much planning. Or if my goal is "Don't die today, don't die today" in a sing-songy voice, there's not much I can do to prevent that. Whenever it's going to happen, it will happen.

Agency Life

I was very fortunate to find a job IN MY FIELD while graduating college. Not a lot of people are so lucky. I'm really happy being there... But it's demanding, especially since there's a "no drinking on the job" policy.

Seriously?

I think every other agency in THE WORLD owns at least a minibar. Is anyone familiar with "MADMEN"? That's what it should be. Our jobs are demanding, constant, and always in competition. Having a little bit of scotch at the end of the workday isn't that detrimental to our progress.

The First PWN I Witnessed

I have a lot of family in Florida and when I was younger, I'd visit my grandparents every summer vacation for YEARS. I remember back when I was about 8 years old, my Granddad dropped me, my Grandma, my brother, and my 2 cousins at Checkers while he was parking the car. While we were waiting for him, a lonely woman in her 40's walked up to us and decided to tell us a sob story about how hard it is to live. This story probably would've worked on other people, but my Grandma kept making mean faces and sticking her tongue out to us because she wasn't having it. Finally the woman decided to share:

"My husband, that piece of crap, god rest his soul, just died in a car crash last Tuesday."

My grandma retorted with:
"Oh yeah? My husband died in 'Nam."

WTF Bus #2

Before I begin, I would like everyone to know that I have nothing against people in general, they probably have went through some experiences in their lives that made them who they are today. HOWEVER, when they bring that onto the bus, I have no choice but to be sitting in that same space and become a witness to the ridiculous stories that ensues. And this one, is a keeper.

One of my favorite stories is when the winter was about to end and this was the first officially nice day in February/March. It was a saturday afternoon, and everyone was outside enjoying themselves without freezing. people were walking outside with only t-shirts and pants, there were a lot of motorcycles roaming about, just to show off. And then everyone decided to lose their goddamn minds. Just because it's a nice day out does NOT mean you need to be piss ass drunk by 3pm. We didn't even make it to downtown yet, and people are off their asses drunk. But the BEST part of that trip was a woman was shouting on her phone to her daughter. The conversation went like this:

Old Ladies Shopping

I was in the car with my buddy Matt to Fat Moose Comics, and on the highway there was an old lady walking downhill with a shopping cart. Not even on the sidewalk, she was on the side of the road, with a shopping cart. I don't think that's a safe way to find nutmeg when you're passing the autobody shop.

WTF Bus #1

Okay, as all of my friends know, I always take public transportation. During these travels, I come across some very odd situations where I need to control myself as best as I can to make sure I can share it with you guys on the internet. This is going to be a long series but here it goes:

IF IT'S PAST 11PM ON A WEEKEND AND YOU HAVE MORE THAN 3 KIDS, BUY A DAMN CAR!!! There is NO reason why you should basically hold a family reunion on a bus with 3 adults and 7 kids. In this day and age, you don't need to pop out more than 4 kids, maximum, reasonably. If you do, then stop having kids so you can save up money to go get a damn car.

Bard's Gluten Free Beer

Tomorrow morning I think I'm going to wake up and have some gluten-free beer for breakfast. Being gluten-insensitive makes my drinking complicated. Hopefully this stuff will taste good so I never have to worry about this again!

So hopefully this is the start of something good. We'll see how long I'll keep this up until I get tired of templates and make up my own.

It's like 2:14am, I should be asleep but I think I'm going to do work today OR go to a casino with no real money. This blows.