How to Escape Awkward Situations

Ever get stuck in a room with people you don’t like? What about sitting in a public place and you REALLY don’t want to talk? Forced into a weird family setting?

Fear not! There are ways to escape, totally guilt free! You just have to use a proper dosage of sarcasm and out of context sentences to really confuse people. See, by confusing them you’re not being rude, just confusing! While they’re trying to decipher what you meant, you’ll have plenty of time to walk away.

Here are some sentences you can use in case if this arises:

• look around for a few seconds and shout: Oh my god, these aren’t my eyes! THESE AREN’T MY EYES!
• If someone compliments you about anything, explain the functional usage behind it. Here's an example:
  Person: I like your hair.
  You: Oh it’s just a bunch of extended nerve endings from dead cells that retain heat within my body.
  Person: whaaa……
• If someone asks about your health, just say “I’m not dead… yet. But here’s to hoping!”
• If someone asks about your family, answer: “They’re still related to me.”
• Also, someone tries to talk you about something you TRULY do not want to talk about, just tell them “I’m sorry, but stupid is not one of my languages. If you want to talk about something important, just make it less dumb.”
• If all else fails, just slowly walk away… Backwards.

They’ll get the hint.